9/11 and Our Children

For so many of us, 9/11 will forever be on the surface of our emotions. Even after 17 years, the memories and feelings of that day are as new and vivid as the moment the Earth stood still.

I remember sitting on the edge of my bed that morning (it happened to be my day off work) tuning into the Today Show after making a cup of coffee. I had just picked up the phone to call my Mom to tell her to turn on the TV because a plane flew into a building in New York. As I was sitting there telling her about it, you could see another plane come in from the edge of the screen only to disappear into the building turning into a giant fireball.

I remember the feeling in my chest and turning of my stomach as I sat there in disbelief. I can remember the horrific and immediate realization that I had just witnessed the deaths of so many people only to realize later the full scope of the devastation of that day.

Stories like that are plenty and common as we all reflect on where we were. As a parent of young child who is starting to understand the mysteries of life and death, this morning I found myself trying to wrap my head around how to explain the memory of this day.

It was only a few weekends ago I listened to Joe Lieberman speak of his friend, John McCain. As I sat there listening, I found myself in tears thinking about the man our country had lost. I chuckled at Presidents Obama and Bush's take on a man who was their rival but also partner. A partner who had his beliefs but also understood his were not the only beliefs. A man who embodied the word forgiveness for his leadership with those who were his captors. A leader who knew our country must have balanced politics because partisanship would be our downfall. If you did not hear Lieberman, Kissinger, Bush, and Obama speak about McCain, you should.

As I sat there driving and listening in tears, my child ask me what was wrong. It was not a question I was prepared for. I did the best I could in terms that could be understood by a child.

Fast forward to today. This generations version of "a day that will live in infamy" is a day that needs to be shared and taught to the next generations. If you have young children, don't rely on the history books for this. Share your story with them. Help them understand the meaning and impact on you.

To help me work through how to handle explaining this day to my child, I found the below article I thought I'd share.

In honor of all those who lost their lives on 9/11 in New York, the Pentagon, and Flight 93:

I Pray for You and Your Families. Your deaths will NEVER BE FORGOTTEN in my heart or my home.

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How to talk to your kids about 9/11

by Sarah Caron

The date September 11, 2001 became is now etched in history. How do you explain to kids the sheer magnitude of what happened? And how do you reassure them about the acts of terrorism on U.S. soil?

For so many people in the U.S., September 11, 2001 is a day forever engraved so deeply in memory that it could have been yesterday. That Tuesday, the brilliant blue sky, warm sunlight and crisp morning air striking in its beauty was shattered when everything changed fundamentally in an instant.

But for children — both those who were very young on that day and those that hadn't yet been born — the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 are a little removed. What were they? What does it mean? And how did it all change our world?

As parents, it's our job to explain these things to our children.

Explaining 9/11 to kids

Whether your children are in preschool, elementary, middle or high school, it's important that you speak about that tragic and devastating day with them so that they understand the heartbreak that America collectively felt. September 11, 2001 is a part of our modern history. How should you do it?

Be real

Honesty is important when talking about September 11 with your children, so don't be afraid to share how you really felt that day. "Kids pick up on how you really feel beneath your words. They will become more frightened because now they know they can't trust you to tell them the truth," says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Coping with Terrorism: Dreams Interrupted.

Do something

There are so many opportunities to turn the pain of September 11 into something more positive. Mark this year's anniversary with actions that help someone else — or remember those that were lost. "Do something as a family on 9/11 to memorialize the day and pay tribute to those who died. For example, go to your house of worship, light a candle at home and say a prayer, donate money to a 9/11 fund for survivors," says Lieberman.

Be proactive

Terrorism didn't end with the death of Osama Bin Laden. It's OK to explain that to your kids so they understand that although there is still a threat of terrorism, there is a lot being done to prevent another attack from happening. "Talk about the ongoing threat of terrorism and how you will prepare as a family by doing things to keep yourselves healthy — psychologically and physically," says Lieberman.

Using books to talk about the attacks

Books can really help you with explaining 9/11 to kids, when you aren't sure where to start. "Sometimes it's hard to know what to say. But there are lots of age-appropriate children's books about 9/11 that can help get the conversation going," says Michael D. Baran, Ph.D., a cultural anthropologist and director of Cambridge Diversity Consulting.

Here are a few that might be good for your kids:

• The Little Chapel that Stood by A. B. Curtiss (ages 4 and up)
• America Is Under Attack: September 11, 2001: The Day the Towers Fell by Don Brown (ages 6 and up)
• I Survived the Attacks of September 11th, 2001 by Lauren Tarshis (ages 7 and up — note: fiction)
• September 11, 2001: Attack on New York City by Wilborn Hampton (ages 10 and up)

Keep it age appropriate

Older children are probably ready to hear and see more about the attacks so that they can understand what happened more deeply. But for younger children, it's enough to be truthful without sharing everything. "To the younger children they will be told that there are some people who do not like our country. These bad people thought that it was important to hurt the United States in a very bad way. What they did caused many people to die and suffer much pain," says Lorna Kemper, a 1st grade teacher at Gethsemane Lutheran School in Tempe, Arizona.

And really, isn't that what it's really about? In the simplest of terms, the attacks of 9/11 came down to decisions that were made to hurt innocent people because of a hatred for the country that we love. Teach your children to take pride in the country they live in by honoring days such as 9/11 each year. Most adults will remember vividly in the days, weeks and months following the attacks how many homes raised an American flag and flew it proudly. Fly your flag and remember those who were lost, and you not only help your kids learn, you help our country band together.